Joey

Stories from Jacksonville

New Jax Witty

Articles, reviews, advice, and legitimate research to go along with some back-handed comments. Think of us as Jacksonville's mother-in-law.
  • Coronavirus Family Activity: Filing For Unemployment Like it's 1999
    If you want to see a time machine, head on over to Florida's Department of Economic Opportunity website, and the Connect pages you need to use to file for unemployment. I assume the website was developed back around the time Al Gore invented the internet, and that was the case well before the Covid-19 crisis. 

    I've been building mobile-friendly websites that can be used in any browser since 2008 or so with my Joomla 1.5 sites. That's more than a decade ago. I suppose I didn't really design for mobile devices until maybe 2010, but I have been building websites capable of being used on a mobile device for at least ten years. 

    I was also unemployed for a few months back in 2014, and I had to work hard to look for five jobs a week as I also tried to set myself up to become a full-time web designer. It's ironic that people who are receiving unemployment benefits need to work hard in order to show that they deserve those benefits, but the entities that run the website that collects the unemployment information allow the website to become so outdated that it's practically unusable. 

    In an interview, a communications person for Florida DEO said that an app was on the way and that lots of assets were being moved to do something or other. She mentioned the cloud, probably assuming most of us are stupid enough to think that someone who has a ten-year-old asp.net website has a solution that involves the cloud. I am pretty sure an IT guy just told her to mention the cloud because that's what he does whenever anyone has a question for him he can't answer. 

    The news also reported that you need to use Internet Explorer rather than Chrome because the website, even on desktop, won't work on Chrome. You probably need to have your Flash player enabled and Windows Defender turned off on your Windows XP machine, too. No mention of Safari, so sorry Mac. I pretty much gave up filing for unemployment to concentrate on writing this article because nothing was happening when I clicked buttons on the site. Maybe the website and awesome new app will be working by fall sometime, after most of us are broke and some of us are dead.

    I assume that back in 2008, the last time the website was really used by a lot of people, it probably worked. Most people using it were likely thinking it kind of sucked, but it got the job done, and that's kind of the point of a website. Especially a website that's supposed to help people get reemployed. 

    If your company is looking to reinvent itself after this all ends, check out my web design sites below.



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  • Did DeSantis Just Reopen Churches?
    Buried in all the Safer at Home orders today was a nugget that I almost couldn't believe. First, Jacksonville jumped the gun to issue a local order that apparently kept ammo shops open as an essential business, though I did not see the local Jax order on churches, most of which had already gone totally online.

    The article I found about the Jacksonville order was updated to follow the national list of essential businesses, since the state order was said to follow the national list. Sorry, gun shops (I think). But there was still the first DeSantis Safer at Home order I saw that appeared to keep open or reopen churches, as long as people practice social distancing.
    Churches are totally and completely non-essential, especially when we can get our services online. Yes, people are worried and scared, and maybe pastors could spend their free time calling members, but allowing church services to go on is the wrong decision. Plagues over the years never stopped at church doors, and this virus will not be kept out of services in Florida. 
    I'm hoping the opening of churches was a typo. If not, just don't go. It's probably one of the best places to spread disease, especially to older people. You can read the Bible and watch the services at home.

    Search New Jax Witty

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  • Coronavirus Family Activity: Decorate for Easter / Puzzles
    This is a dual activity for your family during the Covid-19 outbreak. Since no one should be visiting your house, this is your chance to decorate it however you want. This might include the most ridiculous Easter decorations, but it might also include setting up a puzzle or activity table right there in the living room. No one cares. The Queen of England is not coming over to inspect your house, so take this chance to live like it.


    We had these crazy foam Easter decorations that might be a little too much if we had the family over for Easter. However, with no one to entertain, they are perfect decorations to brighten up the house and remind us of the importance of procreation. Bunnies, ducks, a lamb, more bunnies, and some baskets with a bunny and a duck. Pink, yellow, orange, powder blue, white, and green. Everywhere. 

    If you don't have a container full of crafty Easter items to set out, then go ahead and spend an afternoon creating some of your own. Even if you don't have little kids in the house. Just like facemask templates, you can find templates for bunnies and ducks online, and then add some color. Even if you don't really like Easter. Even if you're a Jehovah's Witness or a Budhist. The Pagan traditions of bright colors and fertile animals should resonate with all of us, especially at a time when we can't use Tinder to find a date. 

    You can also use some of that pent up energy on puzzles. I personally don't enjoy puzzling, but my wife and kids seem to enjoy it about as much as binge-watching the Golden Girls. A family member even created some kind of lesson plan to go along with the kids' current puzzles, which makes them annoying and educational. Or fun and educational, if you like that sort of thing. 

    Go ahead and set your puzzle table in the middle of any room. No one will come in and see it. Sure, you might decide to have it in the background of a Zoom conference meeting, but all of your co-workers houses look just as trashed by this point. I had put the puzzle table on lifts on one side, making it more of a drafting table, since my wife can sit there long enough to get neck pains. As a public service announcement, if you are working on puzzles enough to get neck pains, you need to go back onto Tinder.

    There you have it: two ways you can be entertained and make a mess of your house this Coronavirus/Easter Season.

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    Thanks for reading. See more of my content:

    Satisfamily - Articles about being happy as a family
    Passive Ninja - Web Design in Jacksonville
    McNewsy - Creative Writing
    Educabana - Educational Resources
    Brave New Church - Church Website Design
    Voucher School - Pros and Cons of School Vouchers
    Luthernet - Web Design for Lutheran Churches
    Sitcom Life Lessons - What we've learned from sitcoms
    Mancrush Fanclub - Why not?
    Epic Folktale - Stories of the unknown
    Wild West Allis - Every story ever told about one place
    Educabana on Teachers Pay Teachers (mostly ELA lessons)
    Real Wisconsin News - Satire from Wisconsin
    Zoo Interchange Milwaukee - Community website
    Chromebook Covers - Reviews and opinions

    Brian Jaeger - Resume (I'm always interested)

    Contact Me